The 10th commandment is a serious one, as it teaches us not to covet or have envy. There is, however, a rare exception for one permissible case of envy.
It pertains to girlfriends who watch sports with their boyfriends. Man is indeed allowed to envy other men who are in relationships like these.
When late April rolls around, NBA fans get excited. They start getting ready for eight weeks of nonstop competition: drama, intrigue and a plethora of storylines in a physical and mental battle among players, teams, all-stars and franchises. Basically, they spend a lot of time in front of the TV.
The question that arises for many men is an ongoing one: How can we convince our girlfriends to watch the NBA games with us?
Because if we don’t, we’ll get in trouble for watching TV with our buddies, as it will eat into relationship time. We all know what happens when we eat into relationship time.
Now, I suppose this article would hold more weight if the following were true:
I did indeed convince a girlfriend to enjoy watching basketball.
I had a girlfriend.
Despite possessing neither of these qualifications, I believe my deep knowledge of the NBA, keen social awareness of Millennial culture and a passing understanding of women make me uniquely qualified to offer what I believe is the best shot a man can take, in what will hopefully be a valiant effort to convince his girlfriend to watch the NBA playoffs with him.
1. The Celebrities
Hey babe, see that guy? Number 18? That’s Rasual Butler. Did you know that he dated Khloe Kardashian’s assistant? Yep. But then, Rob Kardashian swooped in and slept with her.
This is a true story. Assuming your girlfriend likes to read US Weekly (which she does), she will enjoy the above anecdote. The amazing fact here is Butler is a forgotten role-player in the NBA. He was most recently (and sadly) cut by the San Antonio Spurs.
Most casual NBA fans don’t really know who Rasual Butler is. But I can assure you that many, many “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” fans – both male and female (but mostly female) – know who Butler is.
Now, imagine possessing a whole cache of knowledge that’s similar to this story about Butler, but with bigger players in them, such as Steph Curry or Kevin Durant.
It’s no surprise that NBA players are dating a slew of celebrities. Therefore, this is very valuable intel. It’s a way for many males to get their girlfriends curious about particular players, by way of their off-court proclivities.
2. The Competitive Spirit
Good-natured and friendly competition is healthy for any relationship. In order to stoke the competitive coals here, I would probably explain the background of both teams.
In doing so, however, I would include both on and off court facts in order to give my girlfriend the full picture. Then, you should let your girlfriend choose a team to root for or against.
If she chooses the team you hate, you’ve just converted her into a full-time fan of that team (most likely the despicable Miami Heat, or the delusional Toronto Raptors). If she chooses the team you like, that’s just something else you both have in common.
3. Logic
Basketball purists know basketball is the most superior sport, especially when compared to its peers. Though that might sound like circular logic, allow me to explain:
Football isn’t relatable. It features herculean players wearing helmets. They’re dressed like gladiators, and they’re all jumping on each other in every play.
Baseball is too impersonal. There is hardly any contact among the players, and the game is more drawn out than a Hillary Clinton cough.
Hockey is electric. But perhaps too much so. The frantic nature of it, as well as the soccer-like slowness in goal-scoring from Robocop-dressed players, makes it a bizarrely unsatisfying sport to watch.
Basketball, on the other hand, is relatable. The players are physically close to one another, but they are also viewable.
They wear shorts. You can see their bodies. When a player hits the deck, you can see his entire facial expression.
Every girlfriend in the history of girlfriends wants to feel and hear more emotion from her man. By watching basketball together, a couple can experience what is probably the most emotionally naked sport out there.
Which girlfriend could argue with that logic?
4. Barter if you have to.
If the above three strategies have failed you, why not make a trade? Offer to watch anything your girlfriend likes.
Honestly, much of the women-centric shows these days seem to be decent. I may have even watched an episode (or 40) of “Desperate Housewives.” That “Downton Abbey” show that every woman from Maine to Florida loves to gab about doesn’t sound so bad, either.
Don’t worry about winning or losing a deal. That won’t happen. Make it an equal trade in terms of time commitment.
This way, everyone is satisfied. Want your girl to watch a two-and-a-half-hour basketball game? No problem. You just signed up for an episode of “The Good Wife,” “Fashion Police” and “The View.” Gulp.
5. The Honest Truth
Ultimately, the notion of sports seems to have a bad rep among females. This is mainly due to stereotyping. Sports is synonymous with machismo grunts and physical acts.
But avid fans know that sports goes beyond that. This is even more true for basketball.
Basketball can be inspiring. Watching athletes rise up and execute incredible physical and mental feats is exhilarating. This is exemplified during the playoffs: The stage is bigger, and there are more people tuning in.
Legacies are at stake. Watching an aging Kevin Garnett getting knocked to the ground on a foul, rolling over onto his stomach and doing eight knuckle pushups is both riveting and top-notch entertainment. Witnessing Rajon Rondo dislocate his left arm, only to return later in the game to secure his team’s victory, is unbelievable to watch. I’m not a Celtics fan, but I’ll give credit where credit is due.
There are endless clips available online that will inspire both girlfriends and boyfriends alike. But at the end of the day, it shouldn’t matter if you’ve convinced your girlfriend to watch playoff basketball with you. Because you’ll be watching either way.
