We all know that person who can command a conversation, or talk you into doing just about anything, the kind of person people love to be around and the kind of person people love to hire. The question is: How do you become that kind of person? There really isn’t a specific formula, but here are seven ways to be a more charismatic person that may guide you on the path to being a little more likable:
1. Be an amazing listener (a.k.a. stop talking so much).
No one likes someone who doesn’t shut up, especially when all they seem to talk about is their self. A charismatic person knows to be particularly engaging with people by keeping eye contact, asking questions and showing that they are actually interested in what’s being said.
Only speak when you have something important to say or have some good insight into their issue. Since being present is such a rare quality these days, put away your damn phone. There are no life-threatening emergencies happening on Twitter or Instagram (looking at pictures of your friend’s lunch can wait).
2. Lose the ego.
Acting self-important and pretentious will not attract the kind of genuine people you want in your life, and it will surely turn off anyone who is successful and worth knowing. Those who are truly socially successful and charismatic never speak about all the stuff they have or all of the amazing things that they’re doing – their reputation will speak for itself. Being humble is a very powerful quality that screams confidence and charisma, and it’s a shame that so few people realize this.
3. Acknowledge that you can learn something from everyone.
Every single person you meet can teach you something that you don’t know. Whether it be the maintenance man or the senior exec in your office, treat everyone with the same respect.
Acting above anyone is a quick way to come off like a douche bag; while praising others shows that you’re humble enough to value every person you meet, despite their status. This is especially true when dealing with wait staff or customer service reps – being rude to anyone working to serve you is a fast way to lose all hopes of being considered an amazing person. That is a fact.
4. Positive is your natural state.
Charismatic people know how to look at things in a positive light, and they’re able to spread their good attitude and enthusiasm to others. Being positive can easily be confused with being confident – and this is a good thing. It shows that you can handle any situation, so there’s no need to be all down and pouty or to overdramatize things.
Oh, and try smiling a little more. Not only will it help to trick your brain into thinking you’re actually happy, but you’ll appear a little more approachable (which never hurts).
5. Don’t talk shit, and more importantly, defend others.
It’s human nature to try and connect with others using gossip, but someone with good character doesn’t talk about people behind their backs and definitely never spreads gossip. More importantly, when they hear this kind of thing going on, they politely change the subject or defend the person who isn’t there to defend their self. People take notice of this behavior, and you become a clearly trustworthy and respectful person in their mind. Not only that, but you define yourself as a leader, not a follower who needs to talk about others to establish rapport with other.
6. Be a good story teller.
Charismatic people tell great stories that are funny, interesting and keep people’s attention. We all have that funny story that we know gets a good reaction – if it’s something embarrassing about yourself, that’s even better.
If it’s something embarrassing about someone else, skip it. When you’re able to tell a great story that either teaches others something new or makes them laugh, you not only automatically seem more likable, but it’s also key in making a positive impression that will be memorable to others.
7. Watch your wording.
Be mindful to speak with conviction. Saying “we should do this” is much more powerful than “I think” or “maybe.” Get into the habit of owning your opinions and being confident in your decisions. These are more important than you think in exuding confidence and leadership, and it’s a habit to be mindful of since we tend to like others who have their sh*t together and know how to make a decision.
Using these tips may not turn you into someone with Obama-level charisma, but having people like you a little more can be helpful in pretty much all areas of life. Remember, the only person stopping you from becoming that charismatic, successful and generally more amazing person is you!
