I’ve had a lot of breakups in my day and most of them were epically bad.
So, I’m probably the last person who should give anyone advice on what someone should do, but at this point, I am an expert on what someone shouldn’t do.
So, learn from my mistakes! I’ve compiled a brief “what not to do” guide for your next split, to ensure that you have the perfect breakup:
1. Don’t Throw Away The Jewelry
You’re probably thinking, “Duh.” However, it needs to be said.
When you’re in a blind rage, you’ll want to get rid of everything that reminds you of that person, jewelry included. Do not do this. Gifts, like jewelry, clothing and shoes, are just that.
They are items that were gifted to you and are now your property. Who cares how you got them?
If the Tiffany necklace reminds you of him, wear it out on your next date and make a new memory. It’s now your lucky date necklace. Some of my nicest items to date have come from exes.
2. Keep A Picture Or Two (Or Three)
You’ll want some of those pictures later on, especially if you were together for a long time. Don’t burn away years of documentation of your life in a Valentine’s Day bonfire — you’ll regret it.
At least back up the photos onto a flash drive and bury them away somewhere in your closet before vengefully hacking away at the hard copies.
When you’re done being angry, you’ll be happy you held onto those memories. Not to mention, you don’t get many chances to capture your look of young love. Be grateful for the good times you shared and keep a photo or two for reminiscing when you’re old and gray.
3. Don’t Share Bills
This is a tough one, especially for the couples that cohabitate, but if you share expenses, your breakup will start to feel a lot like a divorce.
One of my exes used to pay my electricity bill. He helped set it up when I was first starting college and had no idea what credit even was.
When we broke up, it was such a hassle to transfer the account, not to mention the forced contact due to that lingering connection. I would have paid my bill three times over to be rid of it.
Avoid sharing bills and rent if at all possible.
4. Don’t Eat Your Feelings
There’s nothing like a pint of ice cream to ease your break-up sorrows, but this is the wrong way to go. You know what feels better than a belly full of sugar? Winning the breakup.
Use this time to get hotter; looking and feeling good is the best revenge. If you’re pissed, take up cardio kickboxing. If you need to release some pent-up frustrations, take a pole-dancing class and let your inner vixen out.
There are so many ways to work through your pain that will benefit you more in the long run than binge eating ever could.
5. Stay Away From The Ex’s Parents And Siblings
I don’t care how close you were with your significant other’s family before the breakup. You are not together anymore and they are not your family. They will side with your ex before siding with you, so steer clear of them as a general rule.
6. Delete His Number From Your Phone
If you don’t, you’ll be tempted to call. Delete old messages so you’re not tempted to sit there and read them.
Try not to contact this person at all. Don’t call 50 times after the breakup to say how miserable you are alone. At this point, you’re broken up. You’ve already lost the relationship. Try not to also lose your dignity.
7. Don’t Dwell On It
It’s easy to sit there after a breakup and think about all of the things you could have, should have and would have done differently. It’s human nature to idealize our exes, especially ones we feel got away.
However, it’s important to remember that you broke up for a reason. The relationship was not perfect and neither was the person. Every second spent dwelling on the past is a second missed with the right person in the future.
8. Don’t Go Back And Forth
We all know that couple: the one that breaks up and gets back together three times in a month. Don’t be that couple. You’re either together or you’re not.
Hopping back into an old relationship just because it’s familiar and you’re afraid of the unknown is a one-way ticket to a short and unhappy marriage.
Next thing you know, it’s three years later and you figure marriage is the next logical step and the perfect solution to your on-again, off-again problem. This way, he’ll commit!
This is a terrible idea. Let him go.
9. Don’t Rush To Find A Rebound
Even if you’re desperate for love, now is not the right time to go looking for it. Rebounds will sense that and you’ll end up settling for the first guy available.
The old adage is not true; there are not so many better ways to get over a guy than getting under a new one. See number four above.
10. Don’t Blast Your Problems On Social Media
A sad or sassy song lyric here and there is one thing, but please refrain from airing out all of your problems for the world to see.
There’s no reason to blast your friends, family, colleagues and random people with detailed and uncomfortable rants about your romantic life. Keep it classy and text your girlfriends, instead.
Hopefully, these tips help you make the best of your next breakup. Remember, it’s always better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life!
