Despite what most people seem to think, falling in love does not guarantee loyalty – from either party.
Falling in love doesn’t even guarantee staying in love, so even if the apple of your eye is the only apple you see, it doesn’t guarantee that you won’t want to have an orange some time down the line.
Love is a living, breathing thing that requires constant attention and nurturing.
With that said, it’s easily understandable that there will come a time when your loyalty is tested.
There will be a time when you will have to make a decision to either remain faithful or have a bite of the forbidden fruit.
The only real advice is to do whatever it is that you want to do. Only be sure that you know what it is that you want to do. Most people want to stay loyal, but have difficulty continuously find a reason to do so. Here are eight ways to help you make the right decision:
Accept the fact that you will always find other people attractive.
People do not get uglier the second you find yourself in a relationship. Hell, if anything they get more attractive over time, as people are attracted to novelty.
If you’ve been sleeping with the same person for years and years, guess what – that 5 starts looking like a 7 because, although you’ve been having a 9 or 10 daily for the last half decade, you miss the unknown.
We like mystery. We like variety. We like to have our cake and eat it too. This will never change.
Therefore, your only options are to either be a cheater and risk breaking your lover’s heart, to break up with your partner, or to figure out a way to accept reality as it is and continue to love the person who has been there for you for the longest time.
Remember that most people are really bad in bed.
Most people either don’t know up from down or don’t care enough to bother joining in on all the fun. I speak from experience.
Living in New York for all these years and mingling with women from all over the world, I can tell you for a fact that most of the sex you’re going to have will not be worth having.
Even if the person isn’t especially bad in bed, if you don’t have that connection, then the sex will always be subpar. The best sex is when you both feel that you own a piece of the other person.
This requires both individuals to open up and allow themselves to be taken. This is rarely the case with one-offs.
Understand why it is that you love that someone, what that person means to you and why you can’t lose him or her.
I will give you a piece of advice that I wish someone gave me when I was in my early 20s and head-over heels in love: Logic is your very best friend.
I know that it may sounds backwards, but if you think about it, the only way to have control while partaking in the insanity that is love, is to look at things as objectively as possible.
Sometimes you need to put your emotions and feelings aside and consider what exactly is going on, why it’s happening, and what you should do to get the result that you want.
Most importantly, you need to know what it is that you want and why you want it. If there is an ideal – a true ideal – then aim for that and nothing else.
Avoid putting yourself in compromising situations. Just say no. For example, I recently started seeing someone and although I can’t say it’s especially serious just yet, I don’t want to put myself in a situation in which I jeopardize the possibility of something serious emerging.
For this reason, when half an hour ago I got asked by an old fling to “come party” I said no. Was she explicitly asking for sex? No. Is there a possibility she would have expected things to go that way? Sure. So you say “no” and go about your business.
If you do find yourself in such a situation, then don’t do anything rash.
Go “use the bathroom” if you have to, but take two minutes to think about the consequences of the actions you’re about to take. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment, especially if you’re under the influence.
It’s very difficult to say “no” when you have an incredibly sexy man or woman in front of you starting to undress, beckoning you between the sheets.
So, you leave the room, take a few deep breaths, and decide what it is that you ought to do. Use reason to figure out if an hour of bliss is worth ruining what you’ve built over the years. If it is, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with that person anyway.
Masturbate.
No, seriously. Go pop one off – ladies just as well – and then decide whether or not you still feel like cheating. I’m not going to lie… this method has saved me from making some poor judgment calls over the years.
We all have those people in our phones who we can text at anytime and have them come over. Unfortunately, they’re rarely, if ever, people we especially want to sleep with. During moments of weakness, we may consider contacting them.
In such cases, you simply need to take care of business yourself and watch your problem fade. I’m sure the same works when you’re in a relationship and someone you’d actually enjoy sleeping with contacts you.
When you’re horny, you’re horny. Rub one or two off and you’ll likely not feel like getting out of bed. Or, better yet, f*ck your lover instead.
Never stop trying to impress your lover.
Stay curious both inside and outside of the bedroom. Do you know the difference between loving your mother and loving your man or woman? Passion.
You should be sure never to confuse or combine the two. Passion is what turns regular love into romantic love. Our lovers don’t want to be loved the way you love your best friend or your sister/brother.
They want you to be passionately in love with them. They want you to tear their clothes off and consume them whole. They don’t want to be your friend, they want to be a part of you. Don’t allow your curiosity to fade because when you do, you’re ruining everything.
Life isn’t worth living when you are no longer curious to see how it all works, to see what you can do and how far you can push. The very same goes for your love life.
Just don’t do it.
Insane concept – I know. The truth is that you are in control of your own actions. You are in control of the decisions you make and what results from them.
You design your life and guide your destiny.
There are plenty of things in life that you have absolutely no control over – your decisions, thankfully, are not included in that list. If you want to be loyal then just be loyal. It’s the only reason you need.
Maybe, instead of spending so much time worrying about whether or not you should cheat, whether or not you are “truly” in love with this person, and whether or not the relationship is going anywhere, you should take some time to be a part of the relationship.
Some questions can’t be answered by reason alone. Some you need to live through to find. Be with that person or don’t be, but don’t cheat. It’s immoral.